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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320590">now I'm in exile seein' you out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane'>jetplane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:47:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After his life was ruined by addiction, Reid receives a voicemail from JJ.<br/>(this is a continuation of my earlier fic "you're not my homeland anymore," but it can also be read as a standalone)</p><p> </p><p>prompt: extreme weather (day 27)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jennifer "JJ" Jareau &amp; Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>now I'm in exile seein' you out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><i>I think I've seen this film before<br/>and I didn't like the ending<br/>you're not my homeland anymore<br/>so what am I defending?<br/>you were my town, now I'm in exile seein' you out<br/>I think I've seen this film before</i><br/>- "exile" by Taylor Swift</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reid woke up on wooden floorboards. It was dark outside and he had no idea where he was, which once would have bothered him. But beggars, especially beggars addicted to opioids, couldn’t be choosers. And five months after he had last been home, Spencer knew he was lucky to have a roof over his head at all.</p><p>He sat up and stretched, trying to work some of the stiffness out of his back and shoulders. Outside was wet and stormy, and Spencer recalled how the rain used to exacerbate the pain in his knee. These days, the only time he felt much of anything was when he couldn’t get a fix.</p><p>A bolt of lightning flashed through the window as Reid found his messenger bag an arm’s length away. He rifled through it but stopped when he saw a light through the fabric. Peering inside, Spencer saw that the screen of his cell phone was glowing. He must have hit the power button on accident. Reid was about to turn it off before he saw the banner on top. <strong>New voicemail.</strong> Without thinking, he touched the push notification and let the message play.</p><p>“Hey, Spencer. It’s JJ.” Her voice came through the speaker with painful clarity, sending tears to Reid’s eyes. She sounded every bit as scared and upset as she had the last time he’d seen her, and it was nothing but a painful reminder of what he had done to her. “I don’t know if you even still have this phone anymore, or if you want to hear from me, but...I had to call.” Spencer closed his eyes. “I hope you’re doing better, and I - I wanted to let you know that I still miss you.”</p><p>Reid hit the pause button and let his phone clatter onto the floor as his head fell into his hands. It wasn’t as if he didn’t think about his team every waking moment of his life. Hell, most of the time he only shot up because he couldn’t stand how much he missed them. But he’d always imagined that his friends would have moved on. All he had ever done was cause them pain. Rossi had sent him to rehab twice and had been rewarded with a front-row seat to his overdose. Prentiss had put her job on the line for him at least twice and had almost certainly given up her chances for FBI Director along the way. Will and JJ had brought him into their own house so that Spencer could very nearly kill himself in their guest bedroom. If Reid were any one of them, he’d never want to see himself again.</p><p>Somehow, that wasn’t the case. Despite everything he had put her through, JJ still somehow found it in herself to care about him. So with shaking hands, Spencer rewound the message and started it again from the beginning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hi, Spencer. It’s me, JJ. I don’t know if you even still have this phone anymore, or if you want to hear from me, but...I had to call. I hope you’re doing better, and I - I wanted to let you know that I still miss you. Henry and Michael talk about you all the time. I wish you could see them now. You’ll - you’ll always be their godfather; nothing will ever take that away. So please just...take care of yourself, alright? I love you, Spence.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Reid slipped his phone into his pocket, then picked up the silver token in his lap. “It’s been twenty-four hours since she sent me that,” he admitted. He ran his fingers over the ridges. “And, uh, I haven’t used since? So I guess this is mine again?”</p><p>Spencer looked around the room at all the faces patiently staring back at him. “I, um, I used to have a lot more of these,” he said. “I made it all the way - all the way to ten years once, and she came with me to a meeting when I got that chip. But...a lot has changed since then.” He smiled faintly, and a few other members smiled back at him in understanding. They’d all been there before.</p><p>“I don’t - I don’t know if this will be the time. I always say that it’ll be the last time and it’s not - it’s not that I don’t want to quit, it’s just…” Reid shook his head. “I want to get clean. But it’s hard. And that’s why I’m here, I guess? Because I miss her so much and I just hate - I hate what I’ve done to the people I love.” He closed his eyes and squeezed the chip into his palm. “So, my name is Spencer and I’m an addict. And I’m back here because I want to see my family again.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I made it to thirty-one completed Whumptober prompts! I did end up a few days short, but I've never posted this frequently in my life and I think I managed to create a few good works. I also was able to come up with a few other ideas for whump fics that I'm really excited about, and I hope to be able to show them to you guys in the near future. Thank you to everyone who read and/or commented throughout this journey (and if you're reading this weeks/months/years later, thank you still)!</p><p>I'll be participating in NaNoWriMo this year, so don't expect a lot of new content in the following month. But I'll still try to post at least a few times (I'd particularly like to post another chapter of Out of the Water, but we'll see how things go), and I'll definitely be reading comments in case you have any feedback/comments/suggestions/critiques. Or as always, find me on jet-plane.tumblr.com. Hope you all enjoyed this month, and I'll see you soon!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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